The Fairytale Wedding
by Andrew Losowsky

Once upon a time there was a shining knight called Ben
Who was looking for the distress of, well any fair maiden.
He rode a big white mare that was very well-behaved
But he had to lose the mayor because the chain of office chafed.
He was walking through the streets of London when he heard a cry
'Twas from a tower in Wapping where the weird beasties lie.
"Look at that Wapping tower!" he said and ran to find the source
And found the lovely maiden, who was called 'Anna' (of course).
"Let down your golden hair so I can use it as a ladder!"
"Erm... it's black now and the extensions have gone. Does it really matter?"
"I'll use the door then," he replied and started up the stairs,
Putting his coconut shells down (as he'd given up on mayors).
He reached the top and on one knee declared his good intentions.
"Excellent," she said. "You can help me work in 4-Dimensions."
"What wizardry is this?" he thought. Interweb? Is that a town in the north?
WWW? Isn't that George Bush the Fourth?
Before long chemistry had set in and the two were together at last.
It became mathematically proven and their history's now in the past.
And though Ben is an avid geographer, nothing in his charts
Had prepared him for adventures sallying forth in Swedish parts.
They visited the local ale house, where they both drank lots.
It became their second home. A place called....
Ben became a connoisseur of the finer things in life.
His breakfasts, his cigars and of course his dear new wife.
And for those he doesn't like, (he's a wily one is Ben)
He just makes them a coffee - and they never sleep again.
When the wedding was announced, the crowds praised the heavens.
Garlic and Shots celebrated, staying open past 11!
They called together the finest knights to assist them, and
If any fell ill they made sure that the Knight Nurse was at hand.
There's Brave Sir Charles, a fellow taken right from the top rung.
Piercing eyes, piercing wit and of course his piercŠd tongue.
His mighty mystic powers never fail to astound,
For in one breath his words can spill out at the speed of sound.
There's fair Sir Toby and the lovely Maria as well
Battling for the force of good against dark HTMHell.
Swift of thought and manner with a way that's quite intense.
Looking just like Jesus, except with fashion sense.
Sirs Jon, Kat, Rob and Theo began ye olde Prom Night.
People in 80s ball gowns - and it's on tonight.
Though on seeing the first night crowd, they couldn't believe their eyes
And the group of dyslexic porn addicts certainly got a surprise.
There are other sires of course who, if I had the time, would flatter
But you're wonderful, all of you. Who said sires doesn't matter?
But a final word to our heroes, Lady Anna and Lord Ben.
We've all fought dragons with them, and found grails, and will again.
So Lords and Ladies raise your cups, for amidst the fun and laughter
We're here - of course - because we love them both.


And they lived Happily Ever After